Last week the five of us went to Flagstaff to play in the snow with our cousins. We shoved the kids into snow gear. I bundled Riley inside my coat, and we struggled through the deep snow to the sledding hill. Chad helped the kids climb the hill and sled down over and over until they couldn't take it any more. I took pictures. Last week our family of five drove home again. Last week we came down with colds.
Last Thursday I spent all day in bed reading a book and holding my baby boy. I made meatball sandwiches for dinner. We said goodbye to Chad as he went back to work, and I nursed Riley on the couch. I put my baby on my bed and went through the bedtime routine with Bree and Mason. I got them in PJs, brushed their teeth, read them a book, and turned out their lights. When I went back to pick up Riley, he wasn't breathing.
Last week I called 911. I tried to resuscitate my baby boy. I gave him to the paramedics and he went to the hospital. By the time Chad and I got there, Riley was gone. Last week I said goodbye to my baby.
This week I have prayed and cried. Family and friends have written, called and visited. This week I went to a mortuary to make plans for my own child. I have dealt with a cold, cough, and Strep throat. This week my body still thinks it should be making milk for a nursing baby. This week I have talked to my mom every day. I have hugged my husband and children often. I have thanked Heavenly Father for all my blessings. This week has been the hardest week of my life. I couldn't have gotten through this week on my own.