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Friday, February 19, 2010

Last Week

Last week the five of us went to Flagstaff to play in the snow with our cousins. We shoved the kids into snow gear. I bundled Riley inside my coat, and we struggled through the deep snow to the sledding hill. Chad helped the kids climb the hill and sled down over and over until they couldn't take it any more. I took pictures. Last week our family of five drove home again. Last week we came down with colds.


Last Thursday I spent all day in bed reading a book and holding my baby boy. I made meatball sandwiches for dinner. We said goodbye to Chad as he went back to work, and I nursed Riley on the couch. I put my baby on my bed and went through the bedtime routine with Bree and Mason. I got them in PJs, brushed their teeth, read them a book, and turned out their lights. When I went back to pick up Riley, he wasn't breathing.


Last week I called 911. I tried to resuscitate my baby boy. I gave him to the paramedics and he went to the hospital. By the time Chad and I got there, Riley was gone. Last week I said goodbye to my baby.

This week I have prayed and cried. Family and friends have written, called and visited. This week I went to a mortuary to make plans for my own child. I have dealt with a cold, cough, and Strep throat. This week my body still thinks it should be making milk for a nursing baby. This week I have talked to my mom every day. I have hugged my husband and children often. I have thanked Heavenly Father for all my blessings. This week has been the hardest week of my life. I couldn't have gotten through this week on my own.

12 comments:

The Wallace Family said...

Oh Megan, I love you ~

emilybolles said...

Megan, I can't even express how my heart aches for you and your family. You are in our prayers. You are such a strong woman and have so much faith. I know you'll be okay. Riley is so beautiful and I'm sure your angel sisters are taking good care of him. Love you and thinking about you.
EM

Jaime Lynne said...

I wish I could promise that the hardest week is behind you. And maybe it is. All I know, however, is that no matter what your future weeks are like, we will be here praying, supporting, cheering, laughing, crying... whatever you need.

Can't wait to see you guys for ourselves next week. We love you so very much!

Rachel H. said...

Oh Meg, I am so sorry for your loss, mt heart aches and i'm crying for you right now, I will be praying for you each day, and the only comfort is that I know Heavenly Father will sustain you. I know it. Love you.

B and D said...

You and your cute family are in our hearts and prayers.

Lisa Wilson said...

Megan, I am so sorry for your family's loss. Our prayers have been and will continue to be with you.

elise said...

i wish i knew what to say. megan we love you, and we've been crying for you since we heard. i wish we were closer so we could do something more, but we are praying for you, and you are in our thoughts constantly.

Mackenzie said...

I'm praying for you guys, too. I love you guys sooo much.

Melissa said...

Megan,
When I read this, I just sat in front of the computer and cried for you and your family. I didn't know what to say and I still don't, but I wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers have been and will continue to be with you.
I can't imagine the heartache that you are going through or why this had to happen. All I know, as I know you do, is that you will see Riley again and that you are forever his mother.
Your family will continue to be in our prayers.

Valerie said...

Oh Megan!
I have been thinking about you and your family so much this last week! Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

Emily said...

Megan-
You may not remember me, but I am Jordan Bolles' sister. I heard about your loss today at a Stake Relief Society meeting and just wanted to let you know that many people are thinking of you of praying for you during this difficult time.

Rachel Mai said...

One month down, Meg! We are still thinking of your family, and praying for each of you!

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