Monday Letters

Dear Claypool Walmart,

I don't agree with your choice to become a wanna-be-Super-Walmart. I didn't need another grocery store. What I need is a store with a decent selection of home furnishings, and I resent the fact that I now have to travel over 60 miles to get that. However, I am in love with your bakery's donuts. I am loyal to Fry's and Safeway when it comes to my groceries. But they cannot beat your raised donuts.

That being said, I take issue with the creative license that your bakers have been taking with flavors. I'm a well-seasoned donut-eater, so I know a Bismark when I see one. When a donut is a solid circular shape with chocolate frosting, there should be vanilla custard inside. Today I was surprised to find caramel filling oozing out of my counterfeit Bismark. It wasn't inedible, but it was definitely not what I wanted. And when has a maple bar EVER had filling in it? My son's maple bar had the vanilla custard that should have been in my Bismark (by the way, he promptly spit it out, because all fillings are disgusting).

So please, either label your donuts, or stick to the basics. I would appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Disappointed Donut-Eater

***

Dear Hope Family Care,

I apologize for the unscheduled takeover of your waiting room this morning. I hoped my children would be engrossed enough in the video on my laptop so that I could get my allergy shot without completely disrupting the office. I realize that was a gross miscalculation on my part.

I'm sorry my toddler dropped your arterial thermometer on the floor. I think I put it back together correctly.

I'm especially sorry that my 4-year-old puked up his granola bar all over the waiting room floor. Please give Billie a raise, because no receptionist should have to clean barf off the floor.

Cordially,
Mortified Mother