2012 Family Pictures

#2

Goal #2: Sing in a recital.

Last night was the recital for the Copper Valley Academy of Music, of which I have been a student for the past couple of semesters. The theme was "America Sings," and the students all sang songs from our nation's history, starting with a Native American chant, all the way to "America the Beautiful." I am Becky's only adult student, and I was also the only soloist of the evening. I sang an African American spiritual called "All My Trials," which is about relying on faith to get through life's trials. I don't have a photo, because I had given my camera to Chad, who took one picture of me singing (which looked scary beyond all reason), then said he couldn't get it to work anymore. But my parents had come, and my mom was able to video-record my song. We'll see if I'm brave enough to post it.

Right this moment...

• I'm enjoying some quiet time to blog while Chad has the kids in the other room, where I'm pretty sure they are wrapping gifts and making homemade cards for Mother's Day (Chad came out and asked where the decorative scissors are).
• I'm happy that we had a chance to take some family pictures this morning. I figured I should put my own nice camera to good use, and my parents were in town to join us. I really hope we got some good shots.
• I am so incredibly tired of dieting. I've been on a 1200-calorie diet for almost 3 months (with a little splurge here and there). I've lost 21 pounds so far doing this Biggest Loser Challenge (a grand total of 34 pounds this year). I'm on the home stretch, determined to win the grand prize. Every day I tell myself, "Only ___ more days to go." The next 12 days can't go by fast enough.
• I'm reading Huck Finn, because we own it, because I have a goal to read a book a week, and because Chad told me it's a good book. It's not. I'm so bored.
• I'm very glad it's Chad's 3-day weekend, and that for the next few months he'll be enjoying a work schedule that allows him to come to church with us.
• I'm excited/nervous for my Primary kids to sing for Mother's Day tomorrow. It's a beautiful arrangement of "I Often Go Walking," with a harmony part that the Young Women will sing with us.
• I love how my garden is growing. I'm glad that I splurged on some flowers this year. I've been enjoying their color as I've waited for my lilies and daffodils to emerge. And I keep forgetting that I have an abundance of fresh herbs in the garden too. I bought a package of ugly basil at the store yesterday, and a couple weeks ago I went next door to borrow some oregano for my spaghetti.
• Lincoln is napping right now, but when he wakes, he'll continue to delight us with the perpetual good mood he's been in ever since he got over a stomach bug earlier this week. Since he's been feeling better, he chuckles constantly, for no apparent reason. And Chad taught him to clap, which is the coolest.
• My dishes are all clean, thanks to my mom.
• Now it's time to enjoy the rest of this gorgeous Saturday.

Girl Time

Mason has been vacationing in Washington with my mom, and I had promised Bree some fun-filled girl time while he was away.

We started the week off by going to the movies, just the two of us. Bree got all dressed up, then picked out what she wanted me to wear. I spoiled her with her own bag of popcorn, a pink lemonade, and some chocolate-covered pretzels. We watched The Pirates, a British claymation comedy. The jokes mostly went over her head, but she still really enjoyed it.

 Then what would girl time be without facials and manicures?

I caved and bought a new inflatable pool for our front yard, and we had some friends over to "swim."

And then came my favorite part of the week: the tea party. I very recently acquired an adorable antique tea set from The White Porch, which is a cute little shop in the basement of the downtown arts center (I called it my Mother's Day gift when Chad shook his head at me after I brought it home). We invited Bree's friend Brookie and her mom, who had never been to a tea party before. I made up some little tea sandwiches and mini cupcakes to go with our Mandarin Orange Spice herbal tea (next time I'll make sure to have hot chocolate on hand for the kids, who were not big fans of actually drinking the tea). It was a ridiculous amount of fun. I don't know why I get so geeked out about tea parties. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I'm obsessed with period novels and films and anything Jane-Austen related.

We rounded out our week with shopping trips, including treats at checkout, a Happy Meal, a couple trips to the park, and library time. At one point during the week, Bree said to me, "Let's go somewhere special!" I told her, "I hate to break it to you, but there really aren't many 'special' places in Globe." But even though there isn't much along the lines of special-just-for-kids in our town, I think we did a pretty good job of making our own special this week. And we sure had fun.

How to choose?

It was really hard to choose which of Lincoln's mid-chuckle pictures was the best.

So I didn't.

Emotion Coaching Lessons

To quote a synopsis on gottman.com: "In this book, Dr. Gottman explains how to coach children to regulate their emotional world to increase self-confidence, improve school performance, and contribute to greater physical health and healthier social relationships. Written for parents of children of all ages, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child will enrich the bonds between parent and child and contribute immeasurably to the development of a generation of emotionally healthy adults." 

Self-confidence, good grades, healthy bodies, healthy friendships. Yes please. That is what I want for my child. And, though it seems far-removed from the day-to-day tasks of parenting small children, the ultimate goal here is to help these little people grow into the best adults possible.

I read this book hoping to find some additional tools to help me be a better guide to my kids. To help me connect with Mason, above and beyond playing Lego Star Wars with him (though if you ask him, that's all it takes to fulfill his emotional needs). To help me better understand and deal with Bree's dramatic mood swings and extreme sensitivity. And to clue in to Lincoln's emotions by noticing his subtle physical cues.

I loved the way this book has helped me look at communication with my kids. I took a quiz to discover what parenting style I have: mostly emotional-coaching, with some laissez-faire (or permissive) tendencies. Chad's parenting style can be dismissive at times (eg. "It's not that big a deal; stop crying."). I learned that I'm very aware and sensitive when it comes to dealing with sadness, but not so great at dealing with anger. Since reading this book, I have become much more aware of how I speak to my kids, and am trying to weed out phrases that I wouldn't have previously thought of as emotionally detrimental.

So I've been trying to implement the five step "emotion-coaching" process when emotions escalate in our house:

1. Be aware of the child's emotions.
2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
3. Listen empathetically and validate the child's feelings.
4. Help the child verbally label the emotions.
5. Set limits while helping the child problem-solve.
1. Set limits.
2. Identify goals.
3. Think of possible solutions.
4. Evaluate proposed solutions based on your family's values.
5. Help your child choose a solution.

There's nothing necessarily ground-breaking here. Just a well-outlined process to achieve results that had previously been escaping me.

Mason still has difficulty labeling his emotions, and still needs help figuring out "what would work better next time you get so angry you want to bite your sister." But he sure loves the praise when he makes the connection, and I'm trying to be better about praising appropriate emotional responses.

Bree is a little tougher to crack. Chad insists that she puts on the pouting act to get attention, and sometimes when I try to draw her into a conversation about her emotions, I feel like she's winning. But I have to get over myself and remind myself of the ultimate goal. Because I've known enough adults who cross their arms, look away, and refuse to talk. And I don't want Bree to be one of them. So I'm trying to be patient. And each emotion coaching session we have gets a little easier, a little more fluid. And she's opened up to me on a couple of occasions and told me "secrets" that I don't think she'd trust me with otherwise. I can already tell that she's empowered by the concept that I want her to share her moods with me ("frustrated" is a frequent occurrence in home-schooling).

And we adults need emotion coaching too. With ourselves and each other. I go through the steps with my kids after I throw a frustration tantrum, apologizing for not dealing with my emotions appropriately, and exploring how I could have better handled them.

So yes, this was a very beneficial read. And until this process becomes second nature, I will probably reference this post many times in the near future.

Adult Camping

Camping with the whole family is fun. But camping without all the kids is an entirely different experience. And I finally convinced Adam that camping as adults is far superior to camping as a boy scout in Washington, where it is always raining. I was so excited when he said he would come! I'm not sure what actually convinced him: the fact that his wife Heather loves camping and they have a collection of camping equipment that had yet to be used, or the fact that I slowly, painfully, wore him down. 

I explained to him the many perks of adult camping with us.

Uninterrupted game time.

Beautiful scenery, cool weather, and solitude.

The fact that only Lincoln would be with us this time.

 (His hood was annoying him to no end, and the chip clip was an easy solution)

Then there is the food. Camping is all about the food, after all. We grilled up some delicious, juicy hamburgers over the fire pit, and paired them with yummy sauteed zucchini. Our gourmet breakfast consisted of chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, sausage, and fresh fruit salad. And of course, s'mores. 

Oh, the s'mores. I used to be a s'mores purist, sticking to the traditional milk chocolate, marshmallows and grahams. But I have finally discovered the best s'more combination ever. A quadfecta, if you will. Hersheys Special Dark chocolate, JIF peanut butter, Kraft marshmallows and Honey Made grahams (yes, in this case, brands matter). It. Is. Heaven.

Have I mentioned I like s'mores?

Evening s'mores, morning s'mores. It's all good.

It was a beautiful camping trip. Thanks to my mom for taking Mason on vacation, to my friend Mackenzie for letting Bree have a sleepover, to Adam for finally caving, and to Chad who always does 90% of the work on campouts. Let's do this again sometime.